First, I need to apologize for being almost a month late on posting these updates. From now on, I promise to never be this delayed.
(Written June 14, 2010)
Almost a year ago, God gave me a vision to start an organization in Swaziland, a country I’ve never been to, in order to empower the children and people by proclaiming the Gospel of Christ, loving people no matter where they stand in life, and having our teams of Americans, Brits, Europeans, and Australians unite as the body of Christ to meet specific community needs in an area that is swamped with AIDS and poverty. The Lord promised to take care of me. The Lord gave me a confidence I have never before felt. I traveled alone, a 22 year old female, across the world to answer a call from the Lord, to a place I have never before visited. I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know what my environment would look like. I wasn’t even really sure where I’d be living exactly. However, God told me He had a plan and with that reassurance, I moved to a new country with a willing heart, wanting nothing more than to be used up by the Lord. I want to serve these people with everything I am. I do not have money. I do not have the answers to bring about an end to the disasters brought about by poverty. I am nothing but a follower, a disciple of Christ. The Gospel at its core changed my life three years ago, and I will NOT stay silent. My heart pours out for the people of Swaziland, and I am blessed beyond belief to be a witness to how the Lord has been and will be changing hearts and lives of the people here.
Although I didn’t come with many expectations EXCEPT to be used and molded by the Lord to fit into His will and His plan here, any plans I did have were destroyed within the first week after arriving in Swaziland. Since about March, I have been planning to set up Empower-A-Child in a city called, “Big Bend,” and working closely with a couple of pastors there, who were preparing accommodations for me. Before getting to Swaziland, I spent two weeks in Uganda, where I spent time serving last summer, and I was able to catch up with the Ugandans who were on my team, as well as spend some time with the teenager I sponsor. My director (the director of EAC), Wilson, would discuss everything related to Swaziland once more before my departure. Earlier in the month (April/May), he had traveled to Swazi to ensure conditions were suitable and safe before sending me off into a foreign area. To my surprise, he was unable to get in contact with the pastors at Big Bend, and he ended up staying with friends of a missionary his wife’s parents were somehow connected with in Siteki. Here, there is a branch of the Church of the Nazarene, and he was welcomed with opened arms by everyone in the area. He really liked the environment but there was one problem, he failed to tell me about this second location. He approved of me going to Big Bend for a week, but then he wanted me to travel to Siteki to survey the area there as well. All along, I had been preparing to go to Big Bend. I was almost a bit frustrated when I first heard this (apparently, he had been in contact with people in Siteki for months), but as I sat down in prayer, I realized that having a second location may be a good thing, in case the environment for the team wasn’t suitable in Big Bend. But in my mind, I was certain Big Bend would be perfect. Wow, did God break down my plans and my pride. It’s so funny how sometimes I think I know what’s best for myself and I’m SURE that it is the same thing that God wants for me. How I need to be stripped of that mindset. His wisdom and knowledge exceeds far beyond only the tiny picture I can see. I was reminded of this beautiful, humbling truth once more as my first week in Big Bend, Swaziland progressed.
In sum, I ran into a lot of problems in Big Bend. While the pastors were nice and prepared for my coming, which I am incredibly grateful for, there was a lot of conflict. If Swazis see a white person (and this is coming word-for-word from another Swazi), the only thought that crosses their mind is “money.” I found this to be true in Big Bend, even with the people I was going to be working with. Within a week’s time, I felt run-over and used. To discuss anything of major importance related to our work with Empower-A-Child, I had to meet with 2-4 other pastor every time. I found this to be extremely difficult because even when I suggested ideas and my vision, my words were somehow twisted or I felt as if these men were ganging up on me and not honestly listening to me. There were a lot of communication issues, even when I restated my thoughts, opinions, and ideas numerous times. To make matters worse, my translator could not understand a word of English I spoke, which posed to be a major issue. I was unable to use my phone except a couple of times to call my parents, and I only got to use the internet once for about 30 minutes, which was only enough time to send a couple of important emails to my director, as well as the lady in the second location, Siteki, in an attempt to soon figure out plans of meeting with her.
Although God doesn’t call us to a life of comfort, this feeling of discomfort was one that wasn’t from the Lord. I was horribly unsettled and had almost no peace. Other situations were occurring to make me feel extremely uncomfortable. All of this set aside, I am grateful for the challenges that were presented to me throughout the week and for the opportunity laid before me to depend wholeheartedly on the Lord, as I trusted Him to never leave me and to meet all of my needs. The Lord answered my prayers as I fell weak to my knees and, might I add, all alone at the foot of the cross, crying out to my Father. The day after I emailed the woman in Siteki, she called me. “Where have you been?! We were supposed to pick you up from the airport! Thank goodness you are safe! You are coming here tomorrow" (Friday- exactly one week after I had arrived to Swaziland). I packed up and would be leaving the next day, Friday, June 18th. It all happened so suddenly, and I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect, but I told the pastors that I had to survey the environment in Siteki and, depending on what my director wanted, I may or may not be coming back to Big Bend. They didn’t understand me entirely, and I left on a bad note, but I did everything in my power to explain that Wilson wanted me to go to Siteki from the beginning. The pastors in Siteki were never informed about my plans of traveling to Big Bend first, so everything was a little hectic in telling the pastors in Big Bend about accommodations already being set up for me in the new location. They accused me of “leaving them,” but I wanted only to follow the Lord, and no matter how many different ways I stated it, they could not understand me.
As I got into the car with a couple of people from Siteki who I’d be working close with, I felt a sense of freedom. Fear slowly left my body, and I tried to start over, essentially. The entire car ride (almost an hour long), I prayed hard for the Lord to reveal what direction He wanted me to take. A lot of emotions were stirred up my first week in Swaziland, and by the time I got to Siteki, I was tired mentally and physically. I arrived to the Church of the Nazarene (East District) in Siteki and was immediately greeted by Shiba, the lady who would be hosting me, with open arms. She was incredibly joyful and was dancing and singing and I couldn’t help but to laugh. I already felt relieved. Shiba and I went into another pastor’s office and we began discussing the organization, as well as Wilson’s trip to Siteki and plans and decisions that had already been made with him. After our short meeting and introduction of one another, we prayed. This initial meeting was so different than in Big Bend. I feel like I really learned their hearts and who they are in Christ, and it was made very clear that without prayer, we would be aimless. I couldn’t have agreed more.
Later that night, we met with and had dinner with all of Shiba’s “authorities.” This included the Dean of the Nazarene school, the principal, the district super attendant, the Sunday school president at a local church, the registrar of the Church of the Nazarene, and all of their spouses. It was good to meet with all of these individuals, as I will be working side by side with them for the next year. Communication has been dramatically better when communicating with the Swazis here, and I feel like I am viewed solely as a disciple of Christ rather than someone with a lot of money (which I’m not. In fact, I still have $5,000 to raise in order to stay for a year). I was able to rest for the remainder of the evening and all of Saturday. After a rough first week, I was incredibly thankful for this alone time and relaxation.
I was on my knees for the entire week in Big Bend, praying for peace, comfort, safety, and endurance. The Lord was incredibly merciful to me. My trust remained in Him and Him alone. Through these struggles, it’s even easier for me to say “to God be the glory.” This mission is about the Lord and His work being accomplished here in Swaziland. I talked with a good friend about the joy of suffering for Christ. She reminded me of the verse, Philippians 1:29 that states, "For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him.” God doesn’t say “expected” or “obligated” or anything that implies non-compulsion. Rather, he says, “GRANTED.” Granted, she said, is a gift from God and an opportunity to grow closer to our Savior. What beautiful truth. I have prayed for the Lord to break me and mold me into what He wants me to be; His hands and feet. I want to be ready and willing to serve at any given moment of my life, but especially while I am here in Swaziland. I want to be a light in this dark place. And I am ready to take on whatever the Lord lays in front of me this next year, as I witness His Kingdom advance here on earth.
In Christ,
Jan
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